Cycle 7

It's been a full week since my last treatment and I'm happy to report that I'm once again feeling normal.  The nausea isn't lingering around like it did last time - yippee!  The neuropathy has returned a bit stronger this time, but not as severe as during cycles 3&4.  Although this morning I haven't had feeling in my right pointer finger except for some tingling!  The only thing that's still causing problems is the fatigue.  I've needed caffeine to get through everyday so far this week.  I made sure to be in bed super early last night in hopes to be more alert today.  But nope, still soo tired.  At least I tried, right??  Nine hours was not enough.  Then I think back to this time last year when I first started the chemo.  Holy crap I was having to take naps during my break at work - I was beyond exhausted!  My body was too tired to even mop the floors then!  I've grown accustomed to the exhaustion over the past 12 months and have learned how to just deal.  Only 6 more months of just dealing!!

So the actual treatment last week went very smoothly.  The chemo nurse and my lab tech both found good veins on the first try.  Krissy brought some sort of amazing chocolate & nut mix that was heaven in my mouth.  My docs are very happy with my stable blood counts and overall health.  All and all, for being on chemo, things are good!

The hangover was once again pretty rough, but I was prepared this time!  My boss and I decided at last minute that I should take the whole day off instead of just a half - better safe than sorry.  And I'm glad I did - I needed it!  I was dozing off during the car ride home with Krissy.  But I made sure to be alert enough for the Chick Fillet drive through!  I am not a fast food kind of person, but it just sounded AMAZING.  I'm noticing after chemo I can eat and eat and eat and eat.  My body is experiencing a horrible poison and needs nourishment.  So I pack on the calories!  It took a good 48 hours of eating until I finally felt full!

Thirteen more days of beautiful weather and good health until I do it all again - treatment 8.  The good news?  After treatment 8 I will be HALF WAY DONE WITH TREATMENT!!!  WOOOO HOOOO!!!

Treatment Eve

Grocery shopping - check
Sheets washed - check
Bathroom cleaned - check
PJ's ready - check


Bring on the hangover!

I was driving to work this morning going over the 1,000,001 things I needed to get done today before I have treatment tomorrow.  It's funny, it's like I'm planning for a vacation... except I do this every three Tuesdays - and I'm not going to paradise!  I give myself enough food and clear my schedule for a full 48 hours; it's crazy how routine this has become in my life. 

As I went through the endless list in my head this morning during my drive I caught myself laughing out loud... Bank, Target, Mall, Trader Joe's, emails, laundry, meals, bills, and the list went on when I realized I was stressing myself over the exact reason why I should NEVER stress myself out!  Life is too short to get caught up in the laundry lists that get us down - especially when it's a laundry list prepping for chemo!!

Celebrations

It’s been a whirlwind of a spring so far.  Everywhere I go and everyone I see is more than eager to offer their congratulations on the excellent news.  I do believe that Sarah actually toasted to me 3 times under a 2 week span.  I have received congratulatory cards, dinners, emails, drinks, hugs, and more facebook posts/messages than I get on my actual birthday!  I think my favorite status that I came across was as truthful as it was celebratory.  It was from an old friend from high school, “I don't know if "congratulations" or "way-to-go" are the right cheers here but either way, I don't think that there could be more awesome news. So happy for you Melissa. You are amazingly courageous."

My sister's facebook, phone, and email blew up as well.  I read messages from friends of friends to their friends of friends excited about my news.  Wow, good news does travel fast - even through people I've never met.  I have been so touched, even honored to be so loved and cared for by so many.  My appreciation is beyond words. 

The first Wednesday following my big news, a friend of my sister’s immediately decided I needed a celebratory dinner.  Amanda is a chef so Krissy and I were more than happy to accept her present.  Despite being days away from delivering her first child (a now healthy and adorable baby boy), she took over Krissy’s kitchen and created the most delectable meal that kitchen has and will ever see.  The theme was French-Moroccan (my dinner theme is usually Trader Joes).  Krissy did a whole post on it if you want to check it out.  The 4^th course ended with buttermilk hibiscus rose ice cream – I never knew such a thing could exist!  Needless to say the entire meal was heaven in my belly. 

A couple Fridays ago I gathered with my girlfriends and their significant others for a final celebration.  As ecstatic as I am to be in remission, I am ready to move on; which is why I call it my final celebration.  I still have a couple rounds of scans that will call for their own celebrations as well as my final chemo treatment (October 24, get excited!).  I will always celebrate.  But for now, the tumors are behind me.  I'm ready to spend my time and energy focusing on the future, not just the present.  It's taken a very long time for me to reach this place.  I finally cleared the hurdle. 

I made a new friend

Recently I was asked to be a friend on Facebook with someone I didn’t know.  Mutual friends?  Nope.  Creepy guy?  Nope.  Instead she was married with two kiddos.  Hmmmmmmm.  I ignored it for a few days, and then one day it came up in convo with Krissy.  “Maybe it’s someone who follows your blog?”  Ok, so I decided to check it out.  Sure enough she had sent me a 5 page message (ok, I’m exaggerating) introducing herself and why she asked to be my friend.

Tessa is recently thirty and experiencing her third relapse with Hodgkin Lymphoma.  From checking out her blog, she’s as brave and determined as I am.  She had I have about identical chemo track records.  We are both finding ourselves now relying on BV (the chemo I started in December) as our last chance for remission.  I’m a few cycles ahead of her, and it sounds as though her doc has the same expectation of full remission for her.  Sweet.

She and I have chatted back and forth about this chemo and learning a lot from one another.  She was heaven sent.  She’s reminded me that although I have full faith and trust in my oncologist, it’s okay to question their actions.  It’s okay to ask for further details.  And it’s okay to ask why.  It’s not that I don’t ask questions or feel comfortable having those conversations, it’s more that I’m in a comfortable place with my oncologist.  I forget to do these things.  She has been a huge part of my life for the last 8 years.  She tells me what’s going on with my body, and then instructs me with what needs to be done.  I have no need to question or challenge, I just say thank you and go along with it.  She’s kind of like a parent – she takes care of me.  And she always knows best.

It’s been nice discussing our questions and prognosis’ (or lack thereof) with Tessa.  Support groups are always helpful when feeling a bit lost in cancer world, but Tessa is different.  We are guinea pigs on the same drug.  We have the same diagnosis.  We are the same age (you don’t often see that in support groups).  It’s been nice bouncing our thoughts and concerns off of one another that are specific to our
chemo and cancer.  I’ve said it before; this chemo we are receiving is very new to the cancer world.  The FDA just approved it last fall.  This is also the first chemo to be discovered specifically for Hodgkin’s patients in decades.  Sure it’s been tested for a few years during its trail stages, but there isn’t enough data yet about how long we are expected to stay in remission, or if being cured is even a possibility.  Like I’ve said, I have full confidence in my oncologist and her team.  But she and her team are unfortunately blind to my future with no real history from this drug yet.

There is one big difference between Tessa and me - our treatment with BV.  My oncologist has me staying on the full 16 cycles because in their studies they have seen patients experience longer remission rates.  But her oncologist has tried a different approach with their relapsing lymphoma patients.  They have seen success with only needing a few cycles of treatment until full remission and then follow up with a clinical trial chemo and bone marrow transplant.  OOOMG.  Those are two VERY different treatments.  Tessa has a very rough path ahead of her.  Is her doctor on to something that mine is unaware of yet?  We have both confronted our doctors about our new found knowledge and they have both responded the same - no one really knows what's really going to work until more time allows for more research.  Awesome.  But one thing is for sure - we are both fighters and plan on battling until we win.  It's nice to have a partner in crime!  If you want to meet Tessa, check out her blog, Tessa's Cancer Journey #3.

The Chemo Hangover Cure

Good meds, good friends, and good sleep.

Wow, that was a doozie!  The feeling like crap and just wanting to hide in a dark hole lasted a full 24 hours.  Then top it with a couple of days of feeling drugged up, achy, and lethargic - whew!  I was talking with someone who is also going through the same treatment as me (you'll get to meet her in my next post!) and we were both in agreeance - it is rather unexpected to feel such heavy side-effects when the chemo is actually rather easy.  And when I say easy, I mean easy in comparison to all of the other lymphoma chemos and their side effects (vomiting, losing hair, sleeping for days, losing/gaining drastic weight, etc.).  I have just not prepped myself mentally that the side-effects might be harder than I anticipated.  My oncologist and her resident are so upbeat and positive about this drug and its minimal side-effects.  And when I hear "minimal" I really hear "non-existent".  Whelp, time to face the facts.  Sure it might be an easy chemo, but it's still CHEMO!  Haha, I need to stop being such a hot shot and allow myself to be a wimp.  That way when I feel like crap I don't get so down-in-the-dumps about it.  So starting next treatment, I will no longer be driving myself home.  I'm going to try one more half day the day after treatment, but if again it's too hard, I will start taking the whole entire day off.  AND I will be better about asking for help this time - promise!  (I got in a bit of trouble from friends about that one.  It's good to be loved :).

As for the new meds, I am experiencing nausea for the first time on this drug.  Nothing bad, I'm not going to throw up.  But you know that feeling in the back of your jaw and for some reason you are salivating with hiccups?  Welcome to my mornings.  And afternoons.  And evenings.  It's only a few times a day, but it's ANNOYING!  It was rather intense the day after treatment.  So I gave my nurse coordinator a call on Monday.  She finds it interesting that I'm just now starting to get this side effect.  (Although they are also thrown off that my neuropathy isn't a problem right now either.)  I've had stomach issues since day one with the chemo pill and I'm still sensitive to certain foods on this chemo.  My nausea might be caused from my stomach just hating the chemo.  So I'm on a med that slowly releases happy thoughts to my stomach all day so it won't get upset.  I like to picture my stomach with a mean face yelling up at my esophagus and then, BOOM! the happy meds release and my stomach clams down nicely with a smile.  Haha, can you tell I work with children all day?!

A little less than 2 weeks till the next treatment.  Of course I'm totally not looking forward to it, but at least I'm ready!!