Who's the bravest of them all?

On my birthday last week my sister posted, "Happy 30th to my beautiful, bubbly, brave sister!!!" (btw, she is an anti-exclamation mark user.  She made a point of exaggerating her exclamation in honor of me, ha!)  With that she posted this adorable picture of us, probably taken 25 years ago.

 

 

Me, Krissy

It got me thinking... The beautiful and bubbly I'll take, but the brave?  What does one really have to do to be considered brave?  Am I really brave?  When the roommates are out of town and I am spooked at night I'll lock myself in my bedroom.  When I have one of those falling dreams I wake up out of breath, scared trying to clam myself down that in fact that I wasn't actually falling, but dreaming.  At the end of the month I get scared that I might bounce a check before I get paid again.  I'm really like everyone else...

According to Merriam-Webster brave is defined as having or showing courage.  To me, courage means being strong and having the might to get through a situation.  I didn't look up what Merriam and Webster had to say about courage, but I'm pretty sure I have that one down these days.  Going through cancer is tiring.  Physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially.  It is exhausting.  It wears me down so much I want to cry, but I find that might somewhere deep down inside that says "you can do this."  And then I hold on tight to that little flame of courage and push through what ever obstacle stands in my way, weather it be dealing with the Barnes billing department or the Siteman nurses digging in my arm for a vein. 

Everyone has something to be brave about in their lives; pushing through your first marathon, getting that promotion at work, making it to your desk without the boss noticing you're late.  My type of brave is just not experienced as often (thank goodness, right!).  

So okay Kristin, I am brave.  Thank you for the reminder that even though I'm losing patience and strength at the end of this horribly long road, I will get through this.  And thank you for also being brave, because without a brave caregiver I could never be a brave patient.  Looks like we both leaned that from mom.