I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma when I was 21. I endured 8 months of treatment only to find out it did not work and I had a long road of treatment ahead of me. Check out my entire treatment history if you're interested, or I can just give it to you here quick.
Just a couple months before my 22nd birthday I was going through some intense hospitalized chemo treatments as "maintenance" before I was hit with the high dose chemo and my stem-cell transplant. I was moving my life out of college town and back into my dad's house, shopping for more pjs, and mentally preparing for living in and out of the hospital. I was going to transplant classes at the hospital, learning what to expect during my hospitalizations and post treatment. One thing that was lightly mentioned was infertility. I hadn't thought too much about it, but when I began my research I suddenly learned that this high dose chemo was going to make me sterile. At age 22. Not okay.
A friend's mother reached out to me and turned me to Dr. Silber. I met with Dr. Silber and his amazing team to learn that there were some fascinating advances in medicine that would still allow me to have children. I had my eggs harvested as well as my ovarian tissue (he removed one of my ovaries. It's remarkable, I did a tv interview about my story, learn all about it.)
Immediately after my transplant I could feel my body going through "the change." Yup, I hit menopause at age 22. After a few months I tested as post-menopausal. The chemo had cleaned me out - I was officially sterile. I was also in remission.
Eight years later, age 30, I'm in love and recovering from my most recent relapse with cancer. I'm 3 months out of treatment and in the beginning stage of feeling well again. I'm getting my strength back, staying up later, expanding my diet, and starting to once again feel normal. Then in February I was hit with a virus. Nothing horrible, but I was having problems keeping food down and was constantly tired. I was working out a lot, but didn't seem to be losing any weight. I saw my oncologist and she ran a few tests, but everything came back negative. She was a bit surprised I was still have chemo hangover side effects, but on paper I couldn't be healthier. A few days after that appointment I was having dinner with girlfriends who all happen to be pregnant. I can relate well to them because my chemo side effects were very similar to their pregnancy moans and groans. But they started questioning me a bit more about this virus that seemed to be lingering around... and by the end of dinner they were convinced that my symptoms were due to pregnancy, not chemo. I laughed in their faces... until one came back with a pregnancy test to shut me up. I took it to humor them. But then the joke was on me. Positive.
WHAT?! THERE IS NO FREAKING WAY I CAN BE PREGNANT!! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! I'M POST MENOPAUSAL! I'M STERILE! And then I became worried what other cancer I could have now that would result in a high HGC level ( high HGC is what makes a positive pregnancy test). I met with my doc, did some more tests, and sure enough.... I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Holy crap, I'm pregnant.
It was for sure a shock at first. After letting it settle, sharing everything with Scott, and reflecting on what a true miracle this really is, my shock quickly turned into pure joy. My oncologist, OGBYN, and fertilitist were all in equal shock. It's a miracle. I'm going to have a baby.
I am now 5 months pregnant, and we are expecting a baby girl on November 11th. Scott and I moved into a beautiful home and now live on Cloud 9. I can't quite believe it myself sometimes; I have never been this happy in life. And it all happened just months after chemo treatment. Never in a million years did I ever imagine this happening. The possibility of being pregnant never even crossed my mind. But now that she's here, it's all that we want. It's all we can talk about. We've nested and now we're waiting. Thanking each other, our families, and God for this true blessing in life.
I have everything I ever wanted in life. I survived cancer. Again. I am engaged to the love of my life. And we are 4 months away from meeting our little angel, Charlotte Ruth. And I'm going to be a mom. A mom to a true miracle.
Sunday, June 23
Workin It
March 9, 2013
It feels good to feel good! I joined the YMCA because I found this AWESOME program for cancer patients. I have a personal trainer for 3 months for FREE because I had cancer! I'm soooo excited to lose these 25 pounds I gained on chemo. Check it out, if you or if anyone you know has/had cancer you're eligible!
http://www.ymcastlouis.org/metropolitan-office/livestrong-ymca
It feels good to feel good! I joined the YMCA because I found this AWESOME program for cancer patients. I have a personal trainer for 3 months for FREE because I had cancer! I'm soooo excited to lose these 25 pounds I gained on chemo. Check it out, if you or if anyone you know has/had cancer you're eligible!
http://www.ymcastlouis.org/metropolitan-office/livestrong-ymca
It's about to get Personal Part III
February 9, 2013
The day after I wrote It's About to get Personal II everything changed. And it got real personal.
I met Scott over a year ago through friends and I saw him out often. We have the same friends, go to the same bars, and once summer hit he was a regular at our pool. He's constantly making me laugh and I've never felt so comfortable around someone. I wrote It's about to get Personal II on a Thursday; the next night I found myself out with Scott and halfway through the evening he kissed me. That was 6 months ago and we have been inseparable ever since.
A lot has happened to me physically and mentally in the past 6 months. I was go go go, party party party up until Labor Day. My energy and momentum started slipping. I was getting sicker and exhaustion was kicking in. The chemo really began to take a toll on me. But Scott didn't seem to notice, or if he did he didn't mind one bit. He even admitted it was nice to get out of the bar and spend the evening on the couch. Yup, coupledom hit us hard. It was so easy with him. He already knew my humongous secret as well as my way of dealing with it - pretending it's not there. At my birthday when I got really sick and tried to push through he knew better and was the one who took me home. After treatments he was waiting with arms open as I collapsed from exhaustion. When I wasn't feeling well I never once had to ask him to do something for me; he had already offered. The cancer doesn't push him away. He was also the one in the doctor's room with me and Krissy when we got the final doctor's report that my post-treatment scans were clear. Because it was important to him to be there for me. The energy in my personality (because there was none in my body!) and my high spirits made him a believer in me.
I'm still tired (although getting better at that!), I still wish I had a had the home and lifestyle I had expected by 30, but somehow all of that doesn't seem like as big of a deal. When I'm with him I forget about the worries and stresses cancer has left me with. I'm reminded of the greatness cancer has created within me. I'm wrapped up in the fun of life, living in the present and enjoying everyday as it comes. It's exactly what I was doing before, just at a slower pace and with someone I love by my side.
The only scary part about dating someone seriously is now if something were to come back, I'd be dragging him into it as well. He reminds me that's crazy talk and we're enjoying life one day at a time, not worrying about the future. He's a good reminder to keep around :).
The day after I wrote It's About to get Personal II everything changed. And it got real personal.
I met Scott over a year ago through friends and I saw him out often. We have the same friends, go to the same bars, and once summer hit he was a regular at our pool. He's constantly making me laugh and I've never felt so comfortable around someone. I wrote It's about to get Personal II on a Thursday; the next night I found myself out with Scott and halfway through the evening he kissed me. That was 6 months ago and we have been inseparable ever since.
A lot has happened to me physically and mentally in the past 6 months. I was go go go, party party party up until Labor Day. My energy and momentum started slipping. I was getting sicker and exhaustion was kicking in. The chemo really began to take a toll on me. But Scott didn't seem to notice, or if he did he didn't mind one bit. He even admitted it was nice to get out of the bar and spend the evening on the couch. Yup, coupledom hit us hard. It was so easy with him. He already knew my humongous secret as well as my way of dealing with it - pretending it's not there. At my birthday when I got really sick and tried to push through he knew better and was the one who took me home. After treatments he was waiting with arms open as I collapsed from exhaustion. When I wasn't feeling well I never once had to ask him to do something for me; he had already offered. The cancer doesn't push him away. He was also the one in the doctor's room with me and Krissy when we got the final doctor's report that my post-treatment scans were clear. Because it was important to him to be there for me. The energy in my personality (because there was none in my body!) and my high spirits made him a believer in me.
I'm still tired (although getting better at that!), I still wish I had a had the home and lifestyle I had expected by 30, but somehow all of that doesn't seem like as big of a deal. When I'm with him I forget about the worries and stresses cancer has left me with. I'm reminded of the greatness cancer has created within me. I'm wrapped up in the fun of life, living in the present and enjoying everyday as it comes. It's exactly what I was doing before, just at a slower pace and with someone I love by my side.
The only scary part about dating someone seriously is now if something were to come back, I'd be dragging him into it as well. He reminds me that's crazy talk and we're enjoying life one day at a time, not worrying about the future. He's a good reminder to keep around :).
These Days
January 29, 2013
It's been one month since I saw my doc. Three months since my last treatment. Eleven months since I hit remission. Yup, that means next month is my one year anniversary. Wow, I can't believe it's been almost a year since that sweet, sweet day.
I've been happy and (for the most part) healthy this new year. Despite some colds here and there, I've been noticing every week a bit more pep in my step. I'm noticing I can stay up later and out longer without becoming exhausted. I'm back in yoga. I'm focusing on my diet trying to keep it as healthy as possible... although that totally goes to the crapper if I eat out. I should start working on that. I am VERY excited to be regaining feeling in my hands and feet. They are being hit more often with Charlie horses than before which I find strange. It's funny how Charlie horses use to take my breath away as I yelled in discomfort to the sky all while flopping around like a fish out of water until they went away. These days I just roll my eyes and rub my foot until I can feel it again and move on. We're talking multiple a day here. It's the worst in my hand when I'm trying to write or cut with scissors and my hand freezes in that position. It's like a rock that has to rubbed back to life. But the MOST exciting part of all - I can once again successfully open string cheese!
Just like most tragedies in life, it's taken time to feel back to normal since treatment has ended. Treatment created a different me. I was very positive about life, but more emotional about the little things in life. It feels good to be getting back to normal, mentally and physically. I don't have to schedule my life around treatment anymore. Or rely on my sister and friends to help me out. I'm able to lay around on the couch because I WANT to, not because I'm drained from treatment and have to. I'm starting to get a grasp on my finances and do not feel stressed about paying bills as often. It's strange not having my day-to-day routine include cancer, but it's also incredibly wonderful.
It's been one month since I saw my doc. Three months since my last treatment. Eleven months since I hit remission. Yup, that means next month is my one year anniversary. Wow, I can't believe it's been almost a year since that sweet, sweet day.
I've been happy and (for the most part) healthy this new year. Despite some colds here and there, I've been noticing every week a bit more pep in my step. I'm noticing I can stay up later and out longer without becoming exhausted. I'm back in yoga. I'm focusing on my diet trying to keep it as healthy as possible... although that totally goes to the crapper if I eat out. I should start working on that. I am VERY excited to be regaining feeling in my hands and feet. They are being hit more often with Charlie horses than before which I find strange. It's funny how Charlie horses use to take my breath away as I yelled in discomfort to the sky all while flopping around like a fish out of water until they went away. These days I just roll my eyes and rub my foot until I can feel it again and move on. We're talking multiple a day here. It's the worst in my hand when I'm trying to write or cut with scissors and my hand freezes in that position. It's like a rock that has to rubbed back to life. But the MOST exciting part of all - I can once again successfully open string cheese!
Just like most tragedies in life, it's taken time to feel back to normal since treatment has ended. Treatment created a different me. I was very positive about life, but more emotional about the little things in life. It feels good to be getting back to normal, mentally and physically. I don't have to schedule my life around treatment anymore. Or rely on my sister and friends to help me out. I'm able to lay around on the couch because I WANT to, not because I'm drained from treatment and have to. I'm starting to get a grasp on my finances and do not feel stressed about paying bills as often. It's strange not having my day-to-day routine include cancer, but it's also incredibly wonderful.
Updates and Updates
It's been an incredible 5 months since my last post. I've had more going on in the past 5 months than I have in the past 5 years. I'm so excited to share it all with you, but before I do that I'm about to blow up the blog with several posts that I began over the past few months and never completed. I'll add the dates for a reference of time. Get ready for some health updates and well as some major life updates. But to give you a quick summary... I never knew I could be this happy in life.
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