This is how it goes with "scans" (I know, I'm repeating myself here...)
Monday: PET & CT scans
Tuesday: Sit around and wait while my doc gets the results
Wednesday: Meet with my doc about the results
Tuesday is probably the most annoying day. Monday I'm usually spoiled rotten during the scans and I'm okay with others knowing the fate of my health (also, read yesterday's post - not a bad day at all!). Wednesday, I'm filled with butterflies, knowing I will have the results in just hours. Tuesday.... Tuesday just sucks. And today was one of them!
In between scans and the doctor's appointment, I ONLY receive a phone call with news if it's not what we were hoping for. (Like when I was informed I had relapsed - occurred on a Tuesday. Last time when my tumors were shrinking, there was no phone call, they love sharing good news in person :). So, Tuesdays suck.
Today wasn't a horrible Tuesday, but not what I hoped for. I was playing with the kiddos at school when the phone call came. I was in such a wonderful moment with the children, I chose not to answer and let it go to voicemail. I continued my fun with the kids until I found a moment strong enough to listen to the message. Possibly it was saying they were pushing my appointment back an hour? Haha, I'm pretty good at lying to myself!
Turns out, my tumors are "stable". I didn't call back to find out anymore. Details will come tomorrow. I know enough for now. It's not what I wanted. I wanted more shrinking. It wasn't bad news (at least they aren't growing or duplicating!!) but it wasn't what I wanted. I think last time I was completely overwhelmed with shock and joy that I was slightly expecting the same for round two.
I listened to the voicemail once again, just to make sure I heard it correctly. I hung up the phone and looked up to see a child who had his arms wide open waiting for me. I fought back any tears from disappointment and went to him. He has no idea. He barely remembers me being gone for a week last spring and returning with an "ouchie" that still is visible on my neck. But he knew at that point I needed a hug in my life; not because I showed sadness, but because, just like I know when he needs a hug during his day, he knew I needed one in mine. And all frustration and disappointment was forgotten.
This chemo might be my life saver, who knows what drug will finally come around to rid of this cancer in my body. But I know 100% for sure that my children are better than any chemo I have ever received (and that includes their "side effects", too!! :)
Monday: PET & CT scans
Tuesday: Sit around and wait while my doc gets the results
Wednesday: Meet with my doc about the results
Tuesday is probably the most annoying day. Monday I'm usually spoiled rotten during the scans and I'm okay with others knowing the fate of my health (also, read yesterday's post - not a bad day at all!). Wednesday, I'm filled with butterflies, knowing I will have the results in just hours. Tuesday.... Tuesday just sucks. And today was one of them!
In between scans and the doctor's appointment, I ONLY receive a phone call with news if it's not what we were hoping for. (Like when I was informed I had relapsed - occurred on a Tuesday. Last time when my tumors were shrinking, there was no phone call, they love sharing good news in person :). So, Tuesdays suck.
Today wasn't a horrible Tuesday, but not what I hoped for. I was playing with the kiddos at school when the phone call came. I was in such a wonderful moment with the children, I chose not to answer and let it go to voicemail. I continued my fun with the kids until I found a moment strong enough to listen to the message. Possibly it was saying they were pushing my appointment back an hour? Haha, I'm pretty good at lying to myself!
Turns out, my tumors are "stable". I didn't call back to find out anymore. Details will come tomorrow. I know enough for now. It's not what I wanted. I wanted more shrinking. It wasn't bad news (at least they aren't growing or duplicating!!) but it wasn't what I wanted. I think last time I was completely overwhelmed with shock and joy that I was slightly expecting the same for round two.
I listened to the voicemail once again, just to make sure I heard it correctly. I hung up the phone and looked up to see a child who had his arms wide open waiting for me. I fought back any tears from disappointment and went to him. He has no idea. He barely remembers me being gone for a week last spring and returning with an "ouchie" that still is visible on my neck. But he knew at that point I needed a hug in my life; not because I showed sadness, but because, just like I know when he needs a hug during his day, he knew I needed one in mine. And all frustration and disappointment was forgotten.
This chemo might be my life saver, who knows what drug will finally come around to rid of this cancer in my body. But I know 100% for sure that my children are better than any chemo I have ever received (and that includes their "side effects", too!! :)
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