Back in Good Health!

It sure does feel good to feel good.  I started back to work last Monday, and yes, Monday was too early to go back to work.  I will admit, another day or two in bed would have been nice.  But I’m pretty sure the kid’s spirits healed me the most.  I had just spent 7 straight days in bed… 5 ½ of which in the hospital.  I would say my strength is about 98% restored and I’m back into the routine of things.  FEELS GOOD!

I saw my doc last Wednesday… of course looking quite healthy and normal by this point with it being 5 days out of of the hospital.  She entered the room and just looked at me and laughed saying, “What happened?!”  I never saw her personally during my stay in the hospital, the oncology doctors on my floor were in touch with her about my status as well as her nurse coordinator and I were in touch during the week as well.  When I’m sick, I look sick.  But when I’m feeling well, I for the most part to not show any signs of being a cancer patient.  Slightly hard to believe I was at my lowest in years last week.  She is overall very happy with my current health status.  My blood counts aren’t bad… not great… but good enough for her (and my trial requirements)!  My vitals (pulse, blood pressure, temp, etc.) were off the charts crazy during the intensity of the infection, so she was happy to see them back to normal as well.  On paper I look good, and in person I feel good.  Sooooo good to feel good!!

As for my nupogen shots… She’s holding off on those again.  I had blood tests weekly last month to monitor my counts and they never dropped low enough to take me off the trial (phew!) so there was no need for the shots.  She has decided she just wants to push through this month – no blood tests or shots – and just see how it goes.  I do scans again in 4 weeks… We will see how these tumors have been doing for the past 2 months.  Standstill is necessary…. Shrinking is always welcome!!  Growing…. Well, that has yet to occur since I started the trial so hopefully that is something that will not need to be thought about or discussed any longer.

Well, that pretty much wraps up the facts.  Pretty simple – I like it!  I’ve done a lot of reflecting on my mini vacay at Barnes and am realizing I have some life changes to make.  I need to slow down in life.  Sleep more.  Party less.  Learn to say no to friends and invitations.  I love being busy – it’s what I do best.  But unfortunately I have reached a point in my life where less is more.  I really need to pay attention to my body.  Yes, that is much easier said than done.  It’s crossed my mind about a career change… it was my kiddos who I originally caught my infection from (but my body is weaker than theirs and it quickly transformed into pneumonia where as they just ended up with a runny nose).  It puts a GIANT lump in my throat just thinking about not spending every day with my kiddos.  No, I am not making any drastic decisions in life quite yet.  I am too in love with my job.  But it’s on my mind… unfortunately.   Right now I’m living month to month… sometimes week to week… waiting to hear about my blood count levels.  It is nerve wrecking and absolutely annoying.  I’m really hoping my body will just finally adjust and stop jumping all over the charts.  I’m ready to regain some of my freedom.  I’ve lost lunch breaks for impromptu blood tests.  I miss Wednesday meetings at school because that is the only time I am scheduled to meet with my doc – there is no freedom.  I haven’t totally lost control of my life – but it’s changing, whether I like it or not.  I was hoping by now, 6 months into this, there would be more of a schedule; more of an expected routine.  But here we were on Wednesday are discussing my unexpected week stay in the hospital and the possibility of shots in the future… with no real idea of what is to come.  It’s a wait and see game – I prefer games that involve the Carman Kids and Pictionary… or a Saturday by the pool with Jello shots.  SO, I’m not making any rash decisions at the moment… but I’m keeping all career, living, and relationship options on the table… until we hopefully figure this whole “having cancer for life” thing out!  Shesh!

So to end, like always…. I have also done a lot of reflection on my friendships.  They are truly amazing.  I did not have to make one single meal for myself last week and I cannot thank you all enough for that!!  It truly made my life so much easier.  I found myself several nights stopping by the kitchen when I arrived home from work, and heading straight to my bedroom to pass out for the night.  I felt fine last week, just pretty worn out.  It was the emails, calls, texts, cards, flowers, food, and endless love that made my life so much easier.  Thank you all!!