110% Surprised

Labor Day weekend for me means Girls Trip to Chicago.  For the past several years, my high school girlfriends and I road trip it to Chicago to visit Lisa and Stephanie.  I have become a broken record as I reiterate how much I love my friends and spending quality time with them.  Sheila, Michelle and I hopped in the car after work on Friday and started our 6 our trip with Cheese-its, Peanut M&Ms, a rousing game of Would You Rather, and of course conversations of girl talk that will only remain between us :).  Yes, I was pumped for fun, food, partying, shopping, gossiping, laying out, and relaxation.  

We started our day on Saturday with brunch at Rockit.  DELICIOUS!  The bread basket had cute breakfast pastries, rolls, and doughnuts.  There was live music and an amazing bloody mary bar.  YUM.  We chowed down and I loved every minute of being with my girlfriends.  It was a great start to our day.  We had planned an afternoon of shopping, pizza for dinner, then out for the night - our usual agenda.  But before we wrapped up brunch, Lisa gathered everyone's attention and told me we had a change in plans...

And now come the water works.... I'm reflecting on the rest of the day I don't know if I can even begin to type out what occurred for the rest of Saturday without tearing up!  Here we go again with my sappy emotions...

Lisa hands her camera to Stephanie and turns to me, "We have a surprise for you.  Tonight we are having an event in your honor....." And that's pretty much all I remember coming out of her mouth.  I heard the words English Bar... fundraiser... friends & co-workers... evite... in your honor.... as I was tearing up.  Lisa was beaming as she continued on about the details of the evening.  I was in such shock.  I know about 5 people who live in Chicago.  And 3 of them were already sitting with me!  So who were these people that were attending this event... this event in MY honor?!  I was so incredibly touched.  And SO surprised!  I had NO idea!  Steph and Lisa continued to ask me all day if I any hints that gave it away; they were so nervous and almost convinced that I had an idea.  Well, NOPE!  We left brunch, me in shock, linked arm in arm with Lisa asking for more details about the evening as we walked down the streets of Chicago.  But as she was filling me in about my evening to come, I realized wait.... this isn't just an event to drink at a bar in my honor, it was a FUNDRAISER.  People wanted to share their generosity with me (well, Barnes Hospital that is, haha!).  I've always told my friends that cancer is the easy part - the insurance and medical bills are the headache.  Lisa and Steph took that to heart last spring and began planning.


Lisa and Steph, you have asked me over and over if I was really surprised - Yes, 110%.  I was just talking about surprises with a friend the day before and how I am SO good at catching on and always find out about the surprise (like my 16th birthday, but thanks anyway Amy & Katie, ha!).  This one - I was COMPLETELY in the dark!!  The only other time I have ever been surprised in life was also cancer related.  When I had my transplant in November 2004 I lived in the hospital for 4 weeks.  I came home the Tuesday night before Thanksgiving and it was VERY nerve-wrecking  not having a nurse check on my vitals every hour.  But my nerves were immediately calmed the next day when Amy and Katie came over and helped me dress (in REAL clothes, not pjs!) to head next door to the Fingland's (amazing family friends) for our annual pictionary game.  I walked in with them expecting to find Jason and Bryan playing foosball while Brad chowed down at the kitchen table.  Instead, I walked into a house of my neighborhood friends and their families throwing me a Welcome Home Party.  It felt so good to be home with the ones I love.  Best. Thanksgiving. Ever.

Back to Saturday... I spent the rest of the day high on life.  Hell, I'm still on a high!  Knowing that people have been spending time to plan and organize an event for ME is incredibly touching.  Our day of shopping and eating flew by and next thing I knew we were in a cab on the way to my event.  MY event?!  I was still in shock that this evening was for ME.  We arrived at English, settled in (CUTE bar might I add), met the cool bartender, and Lisa and Steph set up their table with the wrist bands.  People started gathering, I reunited with people I've met in the past as well as met co-workers and friends of my Chicago friends.  Still in shock that they were there, spending money, for me.  While I was lost in conversation with friends, I was interrupted with the biggest surprise of the night.  


I turned around to see my sister smiling with her sly, "GOT YA!" smirk.  (At brunch after the great news, I asked Lisa, "Why isn't my sister here?"  Not that I expect my sister to drop everything and drive 6 hours for this, but I know her very well - she would not miss this.  Funny enough, I called her in the afternoon just to check in and asked her about her day.  She continued to LIE and tell me she was laying on the couch because it was too hot to be outside... and right as she said that it thundered and rained outside of Lisa's apartment.  So she was for sure still in St. Louis - no biggie.  She was just in Chicago two weeks ago...)  Next to my sister was JRob laughing and taking pictures of me freaking out.... and then I saw Kuhn... and then I saw Amy.... and I could NOT STOP squealing!!  I was sooooo incredibly excited.  Best. Surprise. Ever.


My sister, Amy, Kuhn (roommate) and JRob (bestie) were the icing on the cake.  Wait, I take that back.  I'm still trying to accept the icing on the cake... this was a fundraiser.  People were at an event spending their money for me.  This is something difficult to accept - money from other people.  I don't mind letting my sister pick up our dinner check during sister date every now and then, but this is different.  I came home today with a box full of cash.  For me.  I'm honestly still in shock about that.


Since Lisa and Stephanie live in Chicago and wanted to keep the event in their city, obviously people from St. Louis could not easily attend.  And it was a holiday weekend - even most Chicago-ans have booked plans (like me!). But I found out on Sunday night, during a cuddle fest with the girls, many of my St. Louis friends and their families wanted to send money anyway.  I opened card after card after card and shed tears upon tears about the touching words people wrote to me.  And the checks.  And the cash.  I was honestly speechless when I tried to describe in words how touched I felt reading everyone's words of love.  And watching checks fall out of cards.  It's a strange feeling.  No, I'm not not broke asking for handouts at 40 & Kingshighway.  I am able to live a happy lifestyle on my salary.  But after my health insurance premiums, medical bills, student loans (from having to go to school TWICE due to chemo), cancer is really good at wiping me clean!  Bills come and go.  But my medical bills will only come.  Rarely do they go!  I do not find any desire in cleaning out my bank account every month to pay Barnes.  Yes, they deserve their money for keeping me alive, but they will only get so much from me every month because I have more to live for than just paying bills.  That bill will ALWAYS be there.  It's not a stress in my life (mainly because I won't allow it to get me down) but it is an annoyance; a burden that I am constantly reminded about when I check the mail.  Receiving donations to the 'Melissa has cancer fund' has provided me with more relief than I expected.  I do dislike having things hang over my head (like tens of thousands of dollars in medical bills!) but I've become very good at not worrying.  This generosity has given me some comfortable breathing room.  Breathing room I didn't realize I needed... until it showed up.  

For those who attended Saturday, sent cards, provided donations, participated in planning, and overall made me the happiest girl on Saturday, thank you.   I really don't feel like thank you is enough, but since I'm typing and cannot personally hug each and every one of you right now, thank you thank you thank you thank you.  I am beyond grateful.  And absolutely touched.  You let me forget how horrible this disease can be and how it can bring so many people together.


This battle is long from over.  But having my world rocked with such an amazing surprise is making it that much easier for me.  Thank you.


Lisa and Stephanie, there will never be words to describe how much I love you and grateful I am to have you in my life - cancer or no cancer.  Thank you for turning such a horrible part of my life into an amazing reflection of friendship.  Without having support from people like you in my life, I would not be as strong as I am today.  Thank you.