My first week of the cold from Hell:
Day 1: Woke up sore throat, headache, and zero energy. Called into work, stayed in bed until about 5. Back in bed by 8. Here we go...
Day 2 & 3: Where does all of this snot come from?! My body is completely drained. Every single child in my class has it as well. But they seem to push through it much better, why am I such a whiner?
Day 4: Worst. Day. Ever. Went to work in my pjs, cuddled up in my snuggie, and pretended to be a teacher. My kiddos are such troopers. Called the doc.... "Since it's viral, just keep taking the Nyquil. Any antibiotics would be more harmful in the long run." Stupid cancer. All I want is relief!! Krissy leaves for a 2.5 week international business trip - I cannot let this get any worse.
Day 5: Feeling some relief today! Maybe I'll make an appearance outside of my bed and watch the final World Series game with friends? Nope, by 5pm I was dragging and wanted nothing but my pillow. Yup, slept through game seven.
Day 6: Pushing through. I think it's getting better...but then find myself drained by the evening, and in bed before my friends even have their costumes on ready to celebrate Halloween in the CWE. But seriously, where does all of this snot come from?! How and why must it reproduce so quickly??
Day 7: Still pushing. But maybe too hard? I'm losing all energy. Feel. Like. Crap. Is my body become immune to Mucunex and Nyquil?! I get a text from my sister's bff: "This is your 72 hour check-up... how are you doing?" And dinner was brought to me by my wonderful friend Aunt Ronna. I canceled dinner plans with the girls and went to bed at 8.
WEEK 2: Repeat.
Day 1: Kids are still snotty. I am still snotty. But good news! My cough isn't very bad at all - my ribs are healing!!
Day 2: Feeling the energy to work a private party at BLUSH after school tonight. And I really enjoyed myself!
Day 3: Woke up tired and SORE! Worked too much yesterday, oops. Need to slow it down. Asleep by 8.
Day 4: Yup, still have this cold. Not getting better, but not getting worse either. We are at a standstill with one another. Met my good friend Niki for some comfort food, Rich & Charlies YUM!
Day 5: Still somewhat lethargic, and still more snot (it's never ending!). But feeling the energy to meet up with friends for the evening! Dinner was good, being social was awesome... until my body decided to HATE me (oops, pushing too hard) and suddenly became very ill. Home I went and lived in bed for 24 hours straight.
Day 6 & 7: Hibernation. Evening of day 6 included a visit to my friend Rachel's house for her b-day. But awful cold kept me from holding her adorable baby B :(.
WEEK 3:
Day 1-5: I am sooo much better!! Still a bit drained, but being in bed by 7 every night surely helps! Still some snot and headaches, but nothing as bad like it was the first week! I've been dealing with a bit of the stomach issues this week, not keeping down all meals. But at least it's not my cold! The kids are over it and I'm getting there! Finally, a light at the end of this tunnel of sickness!
Day 6: Woke up puking. Hello stomach flu. There goes my much desired break.
Day 7: I have overused the term zero energy, I am now in negative numbers. That 24 hour bug took it out of me! Resting for the remainder of the day.
WEEK 4
Day 1: Regaining strength. My non existent immune system is telling me to take it slow. So slow I did. Got a VERY frustrating letter in the mail about my health insurance. I'll deal with that later this week, too drained. Asleep BEFORE 7, dang!
Day 2: Routine check-up with my obgyn. I don't visit this office very often, but when I do I am greeted with hugs - they are wonderful. We discuss future steps of how to lower the probability of breast cancer (since it's pretty much inevitable), then I listen to them argue outside the door about changing my supplemental hormones to prevent liver damage (my liver is already on overdrive with my chemo pill) - I didn't mean to cause such drama!
Day 3: I'm really starting to feel better, but still VERY LITTLE ENERGY. I see my oncologist, we discuss the past month's chemo side effects and cancer symptoms that have been coming and going lately. For the first time I don't hear the same hope in her words. She doesn't know how to answer all of my questions. She's not doubtful, but unsure about how well this drug and I am really getting along. She's disappointed to hear of how ill I have been... no one should have to live this way. Her focus is on the latest pain I've been experiencing in my abdomen. The visit ended with her confidence in next month's scans providing us knowledge if these chemo side effects are really worth my pain. Oh, and a follow-up CAT scan next week about this random ab pain.
Day 4: Still have this cold. My energy is so low that I've been having mini-dizzy-fainting spells. Nothing drastic, but enough that I white out and need to sit down. While running an errand I am asked, "You sound like you're getting over a cold?" If only I have a penny for every time someone has said that to me. I reply, "Yeah, you know, when it's warm one day, freezing the next it brings on the sinus annoyances" "Yes, I've had it for a couple of days. It's no fun, but thankfully getting over it, too." Days?! Woman, it's been weeks! If only I could really say what's on my mind when people comment on my obvious head-cold-sounding voice.... "Actually, it's not just a simple cold like you and your neighbor's son, it's CANCER and won't go away!" Hopefully I get over this soon so I don't lose my cool and accidentally slip and say that to someone! I'm starting to lose my patience with all of this. I'm tired, I'm cranky, and so sick of being sick!!
Day 5: Exhausted. I tried dealing with my health insurance headache... and it ended with an even bigger headache. Oh cancer, you are draining me physically and mentally!!
Day 6: A Saturday of BLUSH with an evening including dinner and Sheila. She text me earlier in the week asking what my plans were for the weekend. I replied none, but I was going to hang out at home. Over the past several weeks I have canceled on three birthday parties, a wedding, Halloween, World Series games, a girls dinner, and just not going out on the weekends. Sheila knew that if I was voluntarily staying in something must REALLY be wrong! She came over that evening with dinner and we sat on the couch catching up all night. It was nice. I really needed it. All of this time in bed and being nonsocial was getting to me. I didn't know it at the time, but I had fallen into a depressed slump from being sick. After some healthy venting with Sheila, I was ready to get over my slump and work on combining being sick with being social.
I have been in and out of sicknesses ever since my hospitalization in September. My only outings last week included doctors' offices. I have been on the phone with my insurance and hospital billing reps this week more than I have with friends. Cancer has definitely found a way to take control in my life. I have no idea how I let that happen.
I thought time was suppose to make this easier? Instead I watched my oncologist let her optimism fall last week. The cancer symptoms, chemo side effects, and size-changing tumors now have her in question about this clinical trial drug. Time has only allowed for more medical drama and doubt in my ability to remain as upbeat as I was back in March. I haven't doubted myself for one minute that I will beat this.... and then I find myself conversing with a medical professional ending with "What is your life expectancy?".
No one said this was going to be easy. And I've been fortunate that for the most part that this has been pretty easy. But it's hit a rough patch. I feel helpless relying on others to take care of me while I'm sick. I've let so many down being stuck in bed. I've canceled on so many things. I need to be well again to regain some sort of control. But as long as I stay in my classroom and catch all these sick germs from my kiddos, I don't see illness leaving my life until spring. I just need to hold onto hope a little harder until the rough patch passes. Because with every rough patch in life, this one shall too pass.
Just. Takes. Time.
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