So Much Thanks

I love this time of year.  Thanksgiving is very sentimental to me.  Fifteen years ago, Thanksgiving was my mother's last day with her family.  She was slipping in and out of comas for weeks prior to the holiday.  We found her in a deep coma for days before Thanksgiving.  My father hosted, having the family over for dinner that year with hopes of my mother being able to join us.  Well, she must have known that we spent hours cleaning the house and prepping a big meal - she woke up just in time.  At this point in her battle, she often had seizures and hallucinated.  But on Thanksgiving she woke up happy and alert.  She knew who everyone was and was so happy to see her extended family.  Everyone took turns eating Thanksgiving dinner by her bed.  It was a very heavy-on-the-heart Thanksgiving.  I was wiped out at the end of the day - hosting Thanksgiving takes it out of you - especially at age 14!  She was the last person I spoke to that night.  We hugged, kissed, and said goodnight.  It was truly wonderful to have her back, if only for a day.  The next morning she didn't wake up with the rest of us; she slipped into another coma.  Except this time she never woke up.  She passed away 10 days later. 

Thanksgiving 7 years ago also holds a special place in my heart.  I returned home from my transplant just two days prior to turkey day.  I arrived home late at night to a big Welcome Home sign on my house from my neighborhood friends.  The next day they surprised me with a Welcome Home party.  I have a very small immediate and extended family, but I consider myself so blessed to have my neighborhood friends who I consider family.

Bradley, Me, Bryan, Katie, Jason, Amy in 2004

Thanksgiving brings so many of these loves back to St. Louis.  This year was a bit different... well, actually VERY different.  Most of my neighborhood friends didn't come home, in fact, some even left!  But with time, life changes occur.  My extended family did not come home either, resulting in my Aunt (Thanksgiving host) to leave town as well.  This year my sister, father, and his wife enjoyed Thanksgiving out to eat.  Yes, very different, but I found it surprisingly enjoyable.  The afternoon continued with putting up Christmas lights at my Dad's, and then an evening at my place filled with the neighborhood friends who were still in town.  Despite some dizziness, more snot, and pure exhaustion by the end of the night, it was a great Thanksgiving.

As I laid in bed that morning I thought about all of the wonderful things I have in life to be thankful for.  Sure I was given a shitty diagnosis at the beginning of the year, but having cancer has only brought out the best in everyone around me.  Not that I was surrounded by negativity or have friends who aren't nice, but I've watched how having someone in your life who is battling gives them a different perspective on life. I'm not too ecstatic that I was nominated for the job, but I feel so honored when people compliment my attitude and refer to me as inspiring.  Yes, some days it's been hard and I've had to work on my ability to stay positive.  But for the most part it comes natural.  I guess I'm thankful for that, too. 

My friends have gone completely out of their way for me this year.  Steph and Lisa throwing me my surprise event in Chicago, then Sarah, Kuhn, and my sister organizing a St. Louis benefit, the girls are constantly coming over and having couch time with me when I'm sick, Aunt Ronna continues to bring me dinner, Curt is always sending me care packages, Katie & Bryan flying me out to Colorado for a visit, Amy taking care of me in the ER and post hospitalization, the BLUSH girls always covering my shifts when I'm sick, JRob coming over just to get me sprite from my fridge because if I try to move from my bed I will only puke more.... I am so incredibly blessed to have such amazing friends who have gone out of their way for me this year.  And it's not just my friends, but friends of friends.  All of those out there who have participated in my benefits and donated to my medical bill drought - I am so touched and beyond thankful. 

I have had a very relaxing 4 day weekend from school.  It was filled with a lot of sleep and social interaction - two necessities in my life!  It was great being able to get out a lot.  And I loved having so many high school friends in town.  My place became a revolving door on Saturday - friends stopping by while I took advantage of my couch - I loved it!

I really dislike this cancer thing - a lot.  But I'm stuck with it and still working on making the best of it.  There is NO way I would be this positive and capable to carry on with such a burden in my life if it wasn't for amazing people in my life.  I love my friends.  I cannot be more thankful for my friends, helpful neighbors, amazing bosses, an incredible sister, and people who I don't even know who have gone out of their way for me.  Life has been pretty rough for the past few weeks with sickness, but at the end of the day, I am so thankful to still be here and a part of it all.