Week 27 on Chemo

I can't believe I have been on treatment for almost 6 months now!  How time flies!  Here's the latest....

Side effects: I think my body and the chemo for the most part have agreed to get along and are handling each other quite well.  The nausea occurs maybe once a week, the muscle pain is very minimal if at all, and my energy level is pretty much back to normal.  I've adjusted quite well!  I still have stomach issues now and then and some days I can't keep any food down (it has nothing to do with the nausea, just my body decides some days it doesn't like food - yeah, not cool because I love food!!), but that has calmed down a lot in the last few weeks as well.


Status of tumors:  I have scans completed every 2 months.  My first round of scans showed some shrinking - it was the best day EVER!  The second round of scans showed that my tumors were stable... not bad news, but not what I wanted to hear... but it was what my oncologist had expected to see.  My third round of scans are on Monday... starting to get anxious!!  I really really really want them to shrink and disappear... but, that's wishful thinking.  My oncologist and I are hoping to see more stability... but shrinking would be nice :)  THINK SHRINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!


My support system:  I could go on and on about my amazing caregiver.  She's the best.  If you haven't read it yet, read my post from last week.  Besides Kristin Jane, I have the best support from my girlfriends.  They are constantly checking in with me and joining me in my adventures while I celebrate life.  Katie and Bryan flew me to Colorado last month for a visit.  Amy was there immediately to bring me to the ER as well as take care of me and my home when I returned home a week later.  I received the most amazing surprise in August with a surprise benefit from my out of town besties, Lisa and Steph.  It was one of the most touching experiences, especially when JRob, Kuhn, Amy and my sister surprise-showed up - in Chicago!  And now this Thursday my roommate and bff Sarah are planning another benefit - they are so amazing.  No, I'm not broke (mainly because I refuse to drain my account every month for medical bills, I have a lovely payment plan set up :), but all my friends want to do is help.  I do gripe a lot about the never ending bills and the headache involved with my medical bookkeeping.  They've seen me struggle and although they wish they could, they cannot fix my cancer.  So what do they do?  What they do best... plan parties in my honor :)  I love my friends!! 

How am I handling these days?  Well, I'm not quite sure how to answer that one for ya.  I'm taking one day at a time.  My mini vacay in the hospital last month still has me a bit under the weather.  My lungs are still very uncomfortable when I sing, laugh, or squeal a bit too much (all 3 of which I do on a regular basis!).  My fractured rib hurts.  Sometimes I find myself exhausted only halfway through the day.  None of these are something to really complain about, but they all a result of having cancer.  And that's what gets me down...  I still have cancer, UG!  I know this is something I'm going to have for life, so I'm just hoping time will help cure that downer aspect of it for me.  I don't know how to be in a relationship, I have no idea how I'm going to have children while on chemo, and I have NO routine with my counts and this pill yet.  I've lost a lot of freedom in my life because of cancer.  So what happens?  I find the bright side of life.  I'm living life to the fullest, not wanting to miss a thing.  Time feeling well is very valuable to me.  I'm not sad, I'm not depressed (although some times when I'm dealing with the bookkeeping I find myself in a slump and complain to Kuhn until she shuts me up with wine and chocolate!).  I still have a lot to adjust to mentally, but fortunately that part of having cancer will heal... I just need a little bit more time. 


So how does it really look on paper?  I have stage 4 Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  Chemo treatments and radiation are no longer an option, my cancer is stronger than the medicine.  A stem cell transplant is a possible option if these tumors find themselves out of control.  But thankfully for the advances in cancer research and my wonderful oncologist, I am on a clinical trial of a non-FDA approved chemo pill that is stabilizing my tumors.  It's not a death sentence, just a different way to appreciate life.