DONE!!

Yup, I'm DONE!!!  It's been 20 months since that horrible phone call.  I cannot believe I've been living this uncomfortable lifestyle for so long.  It is an incredible sigh of relief now that it is all said and done.  It's time to move on in life!!!!

Wednesday felt like my birthday, I was blown away with love and support.  The emails, text messages, phone calls and of course facebook reminded me all day long how lucky I am to have so many people rooting for me.  Coming home to flowers before treatment was icing on the cake :)

I was in tears all the way to school on Wednesday, so emotional and excited that the day was finally here.  Finally here!! I was bouncing in the car as Krissy and I drove to Siteman.  My doctor and I hugged several times, both eagerly excited to say, "See you in 6 weeks!"  It has been almost 2 years since we've been able to say goodbye for longer than 4 weeks.  From my doctor's office I danced all the way to treatment while singing Anita Ward's "Ring My Bell".  While we waited in the treatment waiting room Amy joined us and also had "Ring My Bell" stuck in her head.  Mind you Krissy and I headed to Siteman earlier in the afternoon for an early appointment meaning we were stuck with patient "traffic" and waiting for labs, doctor, and treatment; something we are not use to after being spoiled as the last appointment of the day for the past year!  So at this point Krissy was about to hurt me for continually singing about ringing the bell.  She shared her excitement with DELICIOUS chocolate from ka-ka-o.

Treatment was anything but exciting, especially considering it was Halloween.  Since it was a holiday most of the regular nurses were off with their kiddos.  Treatment was also swamped.  My favorite MA was so busy she barely had a moment to stop by and chat.  My substitute nurse thought I was pulling one on her when I told her it was my last treatment.  I told her a year and a half was enough for me!  It was disappointing at the end when I was done - the nurses are suppose to throw a confetti shower for you and come watch you ring the bell.  These substitute nurses had no idea and my farewell was rather mundane.  But Amy will beg to differ that the biggest disappointment of all was that the hot chocolate machine was broken, ha!  While leaving, my MA chased us down with hugs and tears and the congratulatory t-shirt and certificate.  It was very bitter sweet leaving treatment. 

Krissy skyped Katie and we had a bell ringing party.  The enchanting bell.  It was everything I dreamed it would be.  We headed home and feasted on Rich & Charlies, the best comfort food ever.  In my true style I was asleep by 8:00 and there I stayed in bed for the weekend.  For the last time.  Ever. 

Krissy at the foot of my bed ordering our favorite for dinner - Rich & Charlies.

Ok, so I look rather exhausted these days but it's my LAST treatment!!

Time to ring the bell!

No Longer a Fighter

There are instances in life I find myself taking in a moment feeling invincible.  Unstoppable.  No matter what you throw my way, I have the strength and mindset to defeat.  There was a moment a few weeks ago on a very windy day I was taking a walk around the neighborhood with a few of my kiddos.  A gust of wind blew down the street strong enough to make the kids squeal with glee while we were showered with yellow leaves from the trees above.  An older man was sitting on a stoop nearby laughing with us while everything else in the world seemed to stop.  Everything felt right in the world.  No sadness, no pain, only pure bliss.  It's amazing watching these young children respond to the most simplest of moments that most of us take for granted; or don't even notice.

There's a song on the radio that gives me the same feeling.  The song is not about cancer patients, but any cancer patient sure can relate to the lyrics.  Gym Class Heroes featuring Ryan Teddy: The Fighter.

Until the referee rings the bell
Until both your eyes start to swell
Until the crowd goes home
What we gonna do ya'll?

Give em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life 'til we're dead.
Give me scars, give me pain
Then they'll say to me, say to me, say to me
There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter
Here comes the fighter
That's what they'll say to me, say to me, say to me,
This one's a fighter

This song would remind me I'm a fighter.  The scars and the pain only made me want to push harder.  It made me want to show the world that I am strong and I can do this.  It's hell, but I can do it.  I heard the song this morning and for the first time the feeling of empowerment did not overwhelm me.  I wasn't rushed with emotions and determination.  It caught me off guard and I just stood in my tracks as I listened to the lyrics.  Then I smilied.

I'm no longer fighting.  I won.