Why, hello 29, nice to meet you!
I decided on Tuesday that my kiddos have zero appreciation for birthdays. Don't get me wrong, they sang "Happy Birthday to Wissa" alllllll day long. To the point where I had to stop them. But that was about as good as it got with them! I'm not sure if they all just called each other the night before and made deliberate plans, but they all came in crabby. I was also having chest pain so throw that into the mix as well and soon enough I was crabby too. I found myself laughing out loud eventually because of the ridiculousness. All it took was a Dove chocolate wrapper during nap time that read, "Enjoy this moment" to help me push through the day. I looked around and watched the angels as they napped, so precious, peaceful, and QUIET! Yes they were crab apples that day, and I was crabby from feeling like a baby elephant was sitting on my chest all day, but the point of it all was I was there. Not in the hospital, not sick in bed, but able to spend my birthday doing what I enjoy best.
I had an evening planned with my besties at our favorite wine bar and if it wasn't my own birthday, I very well might have called and canceled! I was getting ready after work wanting to put on pjs instead of make-up. I texted Sarah and told Kuhn we were leaving in 5 minutes because I needed time to sit and whine with my wine before everyone showed up to celebrate! Isn't it funny how such little things can get under your skin and even though they aren't a big deal at all, they somehow grow into a mountain and you feel like your world might just end right there and then?! I've been overwhelmed and playing catch-up ever since my mini-vacay in the hospital. I HATE organizing my medical statements and bills, making sure they are going through insurance properly, etc. I REALLY HATE my to do list that only grows and does not seem to get a whole lot crossed off these days. And I EXTREMELY HATE putting away laundry. It is seriously the worst thing in the whole entire world (hahaha, actually, probably the feeling of death from my transplant was the worst, but laundry is a close second!). My kids are rarely crabby, but I have found them to be my shoulder to lean on for happiness. And on Tuesday they let me down... my birthday of all days! No, it's not their fault - they are kids, I'm the adult. I'm trying really hard with to work on my independence and not rely on others to pick me up. I just didn't realize until Tuesday that they were what I was really using as my pick-me-up in life. I guess I could have chosen worse!
The rest of my birthday night was a blast. It true Greenbriar style, Kuhn, JRob, and I continued our celebration late into the night and enjoyed every bit of our company together. The three of us were meant to be together at this stage in life right now, and we recognize it often. JRob put it frank that night, I just need to get over this hurdle in life. I've accepted cancer as a part of me for life, but I just need more time to adjust with it. When she said that, I pictured going to Bryan's cross country meets and watching him fly over the hurdles when we were in high school. It didn't happen often, but every now and then a hurdle would be knocked over to the ground. I feel like that is where I am right now. As soon as I feel caught up and ready to jump it, I just knock it over again. Annoying. Looks like I just need more time.... or longer legs!
It's my last year of my 20s, and I so grateful to be here to enjoy it. Hurdles, crabby children, never ending laundry, and medical bills will always be annoyances in my life. But at least I get to be a part of it.
Looking forward to celebrating another year of life :)
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