So it looks like I'm going to have cancer for longer than expected... still haven't grasped onto that one yet! I am SO extremely fortunate that this trial is available for me and keeping my tumors at a standstill. It's crazy to think that the cancer has lived inside of me this whole time (past 8 years) and is not interested in leaving... am I really that exciting?! I still say this news sucks, and I really really really don't want to live with it (mainly the side effects!), but it's time for me to suck it up and move on. It's not a death sentence, just a slight nuisance that will be hanging around for.... um, forever? Ug, let's hope not, that sounds like a long time! But as I've reflected the past few days (and taken this weekend away from the world), I'm realizing there is nothing I can do but accept this. Sounds easy, I'm usually pretty good at it... but it's been harder this time. I'm still not 100% okay with the results, but getting closer. Like I've said before, I don't dwell long; it's too exhausting!
I am completely blown away by all of the calls, messages, and emails from friends over the past few days. Some not even close friends, more like acquaintances or friends of friends. Either way, I am completely touched. And maybe I shouldn't say blown away, I think I might be over using that by now... There have been so many who have reached out to me, I am most grateful and thankful for such wonderful people in my world. Nope, your kind words and yummy food will not get rid of my cancer or help these annoying side effects; but they ALWAYS put a smile on my face. I cannot thank everyone enough for their support - it is truly helping :)
I got a card in the mail this week from my friend Katie, my longest friendship of over 20 years. We use to be neighbors growing up until she married my other neighbor and they moved states away to Colorado. Katie has been sending care packages, flowers, cards, cds, tums, and pictures of her beautiful baby, Lucy (my current Facebook profile pic) to help keep me going ever since day one in 2003. Katie and her husband, Bryan, have even done Team-in-Training with the Lukemia & Lymphoma Society to raise money in my honor. This week, Katie simply sent me a card. The outside said, "In my perfect world, we would be neighbors..." and I didn't even have to read the inside before the tears came. She can't be here, but her love is always here. She can't fix my cancer, but her tiny effort and tremendous love are helping slowly fix my mindset. She was by my side when my mom passed as well as in my hospital bed watching movies with me during my transplant. Even my lifelong friend cannot fix any of this... but she sure knows how to make it easier.
As most of you know, my friends are my family. My actual family is tiny-tiny which is one of the many reasons my sister and I stick together so closely. Being able to count my immediate and extended family on one hand is why I cherish my friendships so very much.
I am absolutely blessed in life to have two close groups of girlfriends in my life. I also have the Carman Kids - my neighborhood friends who I grew up with on the sewer (who Krissy and I still spend our holidays with). I have worked endless jobs in the last 10 years providing me with friendships that have lasted longer than the jobs, as well as dozens more through friends of friends, parents of friends, neighbors of friends, etc. I am truly blessed. This is why I started my cancer blog from the beginning. I was already mentally exhausted from wrapping my head around another relapse, that keeping my friends in the loop became tiring as well. I feel slightly lame that I blog, and guilty I don't have personal conversations about my weekly blood counts and health status. Considering that this is something that I will be living with for much longer than hoped, blogging about it has become a wonderful medicine in itself. I find it as an outlet to vent and keep those who I care about in the loop.
I was recently playing around with Blogger, learning about the different things I can add to my page. Yes, very dorky. I was able to read stats about who and how my blog is visited. No, it does not provide actual names or how many times someone visits. But I found out my page has been visited over 1,800 times. SERIOUSLY?! I only started this blog 5 months ago... I figured it was a mistake. I further looked into it... I am being followed by 8 other countries, while Internet Explorer is used 31% of the times and Foxfire 29%. Haha, not that you care one bit about that aspect- but how crazy! I am truly touched and feel honored that so many out there care and stay up to date. I thank you all so very very much. I've said it many times before, but there's no way I could get through this headache if it wasn't for you. If Katie can't fix my cancer, I don't expect it out of you. But you sure do know how to put a smile on my face and that is appreciated more than you realize.
Thank you :)
I am completely blown away by all of the calls, messages, and emails from friends over the past few days. Some not even close friends, more like acquaintances or friends of friends. Either way, I am completely touched. And maybe I shouldn't say blown away, I think I might be over using that by now... There have been so many who have reached out to me, I am most grateful and thankful for such wonderful people in my world. Nope, your kind words and yummy food will not get rid of my cancer or help these annoying side effects; but they ALWAYS put a smile on my face. I cannot thank everyone enough for their support - it is truly helping :)
I got a card in the mail this week from my friend Katie, my longest friendship of over 20 years. We use to be neighbors growing up until she married my other neighbor and they moved states away to Colorado. Katie has been sending care packages, flowers, cards, cds, tums, and pictures of her beautiful baby, Lucy (my current Facebook profile pic) to help keep me going ever since day one in 2003. Katie and her husband, Bryan, have even done Team-in-Training with the Lukemia & Lymphoma Society to raise money in my honor. This week, Katie simply sent me a card. The outside said, "In my perfect world, we would be neighbors..." and I didn't even have to read the inside before the tears came. She can't be here, but her love is always here. She can't fix my cancer, but her tiny effort and tremendous love are helping slowly fix my mindset. She was by my side when my mom passed as well as in my hospital bed watching movies with me during my transplant. Even my lifelong friend cannot fix any of this... but she sure knows how to make it easier.
As most of you know, my friends are my family. My actual family is tiny-tiny which is one of the many reasons my sister and I stick together so closely. Being able to count my immediate and extended family on one hand is why I cherish my friendships so very much.
I am absolutely blessed in life to have two close groups of girlfriends in my life. I also have the Carman Kids - my neighborhood friends who I grew up with on the sewer (who Krissy and I still spend our holidays with). I have worked endless jobs in the last 10 years providing me with friendships that have lasted longer than the jobs, as well as dozens more through friends of friends, parents of friends, neighbors of friends, etc. I am truly blessed. This is why I started my cancer blog from the beginning. I was already mentally exhausted from wrapping my head around another relapse, that keeping my friends in the loop became tiring as well. I feel slightly lame that I blog, and guilty I don't have personal conversations about my weekly blood counts and health status. Considering that this is something that I will be living with for much longer than hoped, blogging about it has become a wonderful medicine in itself. I find it as an outlet to vent and keep those who I care about in the loop.
I was recently playing around with Blogger, learning about the different things I can add to my page. Yes, very dorky. I was able to read stats about who and how my blog is visited. No, it does not provide actual names or how many times someone visits. But I found out my page has been visited over 1,800 times. SERIOUSLY?! I only started this blog 5 months ago... I figured it was a mistake. I further looked into it... I am being followed by 8 other countries, while Internet Explorer is used 31% of the times and Foxfire 29%. Haha, not that you care one bit about that aspect- but how crazy! I am truly touched and feel honored that so many out there care and stay up to date. I thank you all so very very much. I've said it many times before, but there's no way I could get through this headache if it wasn't for you. If Katie can't fix my cancer, I don't expect it out of you. But you sure do know how to put a smile on my face and that is appreciated more than you realize.
Thank you :)
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