It's all down hill from here... which is becoming a lie I am VERY good at using, even on myself! From experience, as treatments carry on the recovery becomes more and more difficult. But with this easy chemo it shouldn't be so bad, right? Ha, I am becoming too good at lying to myself!
My doctor's visit went well last Wednesday. My doctor is very pleased to see my health doing so well. Last year it was just one infection after another making it very difficult on all of us to separate cancer symptoms with infections. Now-a-days my check-ups are easy breezy! After the 101 questions about the chemo side effects, it was decided that my dosage will not be decreased... yet! It will take some worsening neuropathy to get my doctor to okay any dosage decrease. Which of course I do not want the neuropathy to increase, but a decrease in chemo sounds so appealing! My fingertips are now numb. My hand cramps when writing. My pincher grasp is as strong as a toddler's. My wrists ache when carrying the slightest bit of weight. BUT, that's not enough! I'm still able to write. My day is not entirely interrupted by numb fingertips. Even though I am unable to open the plastic wrapper on string cheese, I'm still able to peel the actual cheese. She said as soon as I begin to struggle with my cheese THEN she'll give the okay, HA! I'm beginning to feel the neuropathy in my feet as well. I was asked how intense the numbness was and how it affects me... but really, what fine motor activities do feet endure?! My toes feel kinda numb, but I'm not sure to what degree because I don't use my toes for anything but walking! I was laughed at for being a smart-ass for that response... oops.
Treatment went well, just lengthy. The nausea has increased as treatments carry on, so I now receive an anti-nausea drug through my iv prior to chemo. So that took an additional 45ish minutes. My chemo nurse was the sweetest and wasn't ashamed one bit to admit she could not find a good vein before she started poking into me. Most patients use ports and had I realized I was getting myself into 11 months of pain, I would have fought harder for it at the beginning of this whole ordeal! But with the unknown last December if this drug was even going to work on top of the fact that my blood counts were really low from already being on chemo for 9 months, it just wasn't a safe option at the moment. But now my poor veins are starting to crap out :(. Although I've been blessed with good veins for the most part, I've always been told that they are "petite". Haha, what ever that means in nurse lingo! So with all this chemo lately my petite veins are starting to show their age. Luckily the nurse that was called in found my vein in one shot! Although they aren't the easiest to get, I've learned that it's not a good idea to say that to the nurses. I think it stresses them out mentally more than necessary and then they psych themselves out causing me more pain then necessary. So when I'm asked about the heartiness of my veins, it takes a white lie to get them through it :).
It's now 5 days post treatment... and I'm still feeling the effects - UG! Leaving treatment on Wednesday felt so different than all of the other times. I wasn't wishy-washy. I didn't need to lean on Krissy to keep the dizziness to a minimum. But at the same time I didn't feel any better - just DIFFERENT. The pre-drugs (the anti-nausea meds before the chemo) had me in a state of calmness. I didn't feel a worry in the world. But then again, I wasn't feeling a whole lot of anything! I was drrrrruged up. I fell asleep shortly after returning home and lived in my bed until noon on Friday. I finally had to be a human being and make an appearance at school. I argued when they tried to send me home, but did go straight to bed when the work day was over. I made it out of the house only once this weekend and that was for a school event on Saturday night. Thank goodness for caffeine! I rallied and made the best of the night, but stayed in bed most of Sunday. Monday you would think treatment was in the past and I'm a new woman again... but nope. I came home, made dinner, cleaned up, and was asleep by 6. I'm really hoping the rest of the week improves because I don't have time to be sleeping all of the time!
As helpful as the anti-nausea meds were, they were not long lasting. By Saturday evening I was fully nauseous again. And it hasn't left :(. I get the drunk hiccups constantly, slightly fearful that I will throw-up one of those times instead of just hiccup. My heartburn has significantly increased, so I'm starting some meds for that tomorrow hopefully aiding in the nausea as well. I'm on a very limited diet consisting of all foods raw, steamed, or plain. Bland, bland, unappealing food is what has been settling best - totally depressing, but not the end of the world.
I can't believe that I'm already halfway done... and I can't believe that I'm ONLY halfway done! The side effects are becoming more intense of course making this more difficult. Can you believe that it was treatment #2 when I went out to dinner afterwards with a friend? Holy crap, that would be nearly impossible today. But I'm a fighter... going to keep on trucking through the exhaustion and nausea. It has been, and always could be, worse. Halfway there :)
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