I remember being a kid at the doctor's office with my mom and needing to have my blood drawn for yet another ailment. When the doctor stepped out I confessed to my mom that I was nervous for being poked with the needle. I asked her about what it's like because she did this often - she should be use to it. She almost laughed when she told me that they are uncomfortable and it's something that you never get use to.
I have scans in just a few days and although I feel confident that they will continue to show negative Hodgkin results, it's still a very difficult situation to become comfortable with. I've been through routine scans a couple dozen times... shouldn't the anxiety before the results get easier? I thought it wouldn't be so bad this time, but I caught myself in lies twice last night - scans do not get easier.
JRob asked last night, "Aren't scans next week?" Krissy pipes in and confirms and before any conversation can continue I interrupt with, "Yup. And we aren't talking about it." And I quickly changed the subject. Hmmmm, can anyone say avoidance?!?
Then later on in the night I was talking with a friend of a friend... and cute friend of a friend might I add... who asked me on a date. Our weekends are both jammed packed this weekend and next so he asked about Wednesday. Sorry, I'm busy. He tries for Thursday. And I did something I haven't done in months; I lied. I told him I was babysitting Wednesday - Friday overnight. It was out before I even realized it - where did that come from?! Apparently I'm not ready to confess that I have the possible life-changing scans on Tuesday followed by treatment on Wednesday and hell Thursday-Friday. Well I guess that goes to show I'm back at square one! I've had so much fun the past couple of months feeling well and not being sick I'm back to pretending it's not there. Damn those scans. My mom was right, no matter how many times you go through it, when it hurts this bad you never get use to it.
No comments:
Post a Comment