I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am. Every time I try to explain it, I find myself in tears of joy!
In 2004 I went through 8 months of chemo (intense might I add). I wrapped up in August '04 and couldn't be more excited that it was my LAST doctor's appointment post chemo. I showed up in cute clothes (versus my chemo pjs) and with my wig feeling like I was on top of the world. Well, I was quickly brought back down to Earth when my doctor informed me that my post-chemo PET scan showed that my tumors grew, not shrunk. My dad, sister, and I went to Bread Co to allow the news to soak in and planned my return to St. Louis for a stem cell transplant... 2 weeks before senior year. Biggest disappointment and shock of my life.
Since that event in life I have always prepped myself for the worst. Of course I HOPE for the best - I do consider myself very optimistic and do daydream about the day when I'm not on the phone with the Barnes billing department; but I try to stay grounded as well. My nurse coordinator is one of those people who only calls with bad news... just to prep me so I have time to let it soak in and then we can discuss it at the next doctor's appointment (I think they've picked up on the fact that am useless when they give me bad news on the spot!). By the end of Tuesday (yesterday) I hadn't heard from her yet so I REALLY started getting anxious that this could be great news!
Today.... my sister is out of town (she is a volunteer counselor at a camp for children who are experiencing bereavement) and we debated about her leaving early to join me. I finally decided that there will be many doctor appointments in the future and her kiddos needed her to be with them as they were winding down their last hours at camp, so Amy was my official tag-along for the Big Day (of course Krissy argued, but in my true style I won). All was going smoothly, the tech who draws my blood sent me on my way with high hopes that she wouldn't be seeing me in the near future and Amy and I found ourselves waiting in the small room for the doctor. Typically, my doctor's resident comes in first to discuss every detail about my health with me, then reports to my doctor, then they both return with my nurse coordinator to discuss my status and prognosis. Today, the first person to walk in the door was my doctor. Oooh shit. I wanted to cry on the spot. She only comes in first when there is heavy news to be discussed. As I was introducing Amy to my doctor, Susan (nurse coordinator) was joking that it was too bad that my sister wasn't here for the good news. I immediately stared wide-eyed at my doctor as she gave Susan a hard time for slipping the good news. I couldn't stand it anymore, "So what is going on?!" My doctor replied, "Your tumors are shrinking," The sweetest words I have EVER heard.
So now for the facts....
I have 2 tumors; one in my lung, one in a lymphnode in my chest. The one in my lung has decreased SIGNIFICANTLY! This is HUGE news!!! When my oncologist introduced this clinical trial she suggested that it would be perfectly fine if my tumors just maintained size. Decrease would be great, but not exactly expected. I called my sister first today after I left the office and even said she was "pleasantly surprised." The other tumor, in my lymphnode, has decreased, although not as much. It also still has a decent amount of "activity". Activity is more concerning than size, BUT since the size of the tumor has decreased, that is great news that the tumor is on the road to extinction.
My doc didn't have too many questions for me, nor did I for her. Both of us were on cloud nine. Amy and I left happier than we have been in a loooong time. My dad met us in the waiting room and I immediately hugged him with tears. All I could spit out was "It's shrinking" and he started to cry as well. I explained the decreasing details without blubbering too much, and then we were off to the treatment waiting room for my refill of my lifesaver, my chemo pill.
I spent the next hour of my life staying clam, coloring (gotta love a little art therapy available in the waiting room) with Amy while my dad attempted to put together a puzzle that involved pieces from two different puzzles... very entertaining. We waited and waited and waited until I became too anxious and checked in with the pharmacy about my pills because I had some celebrating to partake in! Turns out my labs weren't all back yet so Amy and I decided to check out of the hospital for an hour to begin some pre-celebrating! (Because it's a clinical trial I have to meet certain pre-requistets with my blood counts. My neutrofils (the ones that are very important and I have been low on - see previous posts) BARELY made the cut off for me to stay on the drug, PHEW - now cross your fingers I don't get sick!).
I have spent the evening celebrating and am wiiiiiiiiide awake still with my high on life! The amount of joy that is inside of me is incredible. I am sooooo happy. I also cannot thank my friends enough for their support. I received endless texts and emails today of support before I received my results, as well as texts and phone calls after. Thank you for your support and love, I'm not sure I would have gotten this far so successfully without your support. Thank you.
My battle is not over, I still have a bit to go. But battle I will, and win I shall! I did it a couple times before, I'm not worried about doing it again.
LIFE IS GOOD :)
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