Meltober!

This is it!  This is MY month!  In just a few days I hit the dirty thirty mark - omg!  Then I end the month with my new favorite day - Oct. 31.  No, not because it's Halloween, but because it is my LAST TREATMENT EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I can't believe it's all finally here.

It's been a month since my last post, my apologies.  I slightly over did it there with treatment 13 and not resting enough, I ended up getting really sick on Labor day not moving from bed, then missing Tuesday at work from my body hating me.  Lesson learned!  During treatment 14 I made sure to spend A LOT of time in bed!  Since my last post I've been to Seattle for a remission/ early birthday present from my good friend Curt.  I was the maid of honor in my bff Toni's wedding.  I spent a weekend in bed recovering from #14 and now just spent the last weekend making a quick trip to Savannah helping a friend get settled into a new home.  Whew, no wonder I'm so tired!  But I'm happy :)

Treatment 13 was a smaller dose making the neuropathy SOO much better.  They lowered it for this reason; my hands had become absolutely uncomfortable to use.  It got to the point that I wasn't sleeping due to the pain, I was even having to concentrate when holding onto the steering wheel - if I didn't focus on squeezing it I suddenly wouldn't be!  Treatment 14 was also a smaller dose and it looks like we're going to carry on this smaller dose stuff till the end.  My hands are so much more tolerable.  I can do things like zip my pants, press buttons in my car, tie shoe laces, and pick up change off the counter without my fingers cramping up frozen in pain.  So wonderful!  I can even open string cheese again!  My fingers are still numb, but not in pain.  My toes on the other hand are still pretty numb.  But that's okay, I don't need them for cooking or typing. 

I will say I am without a doubt exhausted.  I am always tired.  Despite the craziness my weekends have been the past month I've been playing it rather low key.  In Seattle I spent probably 65% of the trip in bed.  It was a luxurious bed with a phenomenal view of the city so I did not feel guilty one bit.  My peppiness is lacking some and my will to care about much has dwindled as well.  I'm not mentally depressed, but my body is physically depressed.  I have no drive to do anything after school but rest.  I guess it makes sense, I've only been on chemo for a year and a half now!

What is seriously depressed in my wallet.  A year and a half of treatment has made me more broke than I ever imagined I could be.  I'm dealing with more financial issues than I did the first time around in my early 20s.  But I'm not eligible for the assistance I was then making this solely 100% my responsibility.  Truth be told, I haven't been all that responsible.  The bills got to the point I would cry every week when I sat down trying to manage it all so I gave up.  Well what I learned from that naive move is that even if I ignore them, they keep growing!  Huh, who would have thought.  I'm officially buried under Mt. Barnes.  I'm meeting with my great friend Curt, attorney/accountant to help me dig my way out.  There are 2 things that I dearly love in my life: my car and my job.  Unfortunately, it's looking like I cannot keep both.  Maybe just one?  Hopefully.  Now that I'm entering into the world of 30 it's time to be a bit more responsible financially. 

Rereading that last sentence makes Mt. Barnes just another bump in the road.  I get to enter my 30s in just days.  There are hundreds of thousands that didn't make it to their 30th birthday.  I'm tired and I have debt up to my eyeballs.  But I'm alive and here to experience it - the best 30th birthday present this girl can ask for.