Too tired to be thirty!

Two weeks ago today I turned 30, how did this happen?!  It's amazing how fast time flies when you're having fun.

I wish I can say I enjoyed the last day of my 20s doing wild and crazy 20-something things, but instead I was in bed before 7 watching Petty Woman and playing a game with myself called, Guess that Jelly Belly Flavor.  At least I keep it entertaining.

On my 30th I enjoyed a nice dinner with Amy and Krissy and followed up the celebration that weekend with my besties partying like it was 1982.  Sad to say, I had more fun getting ready and seeing everyone's outfits instead of the actual party.  I made it about an hour before I started to get sick.  I knew earlier that day that I wasn't feeling the greatest but I knew I could push through because it was MY party.  Well, at least I thought I could.  My partying days have dwindled over the past couple months, but don't worry, I'm not blaming it on my old age - it's the damn chemo!  So after getting sick for the 4th time I was beyond emotional and sought out Amy and Krissy to get back home.  I was embarrassed and disappointed to be leaving my own party by 11:00.  But for the time I did spend there I had an absolute blast :).

Since then I've had A LOT of down time and have been making it a point to be in bed by 8:00 if at all possible.  My body has been on chemo for A YEAR AND A HALF.  That's double a pregnancy term.  It's just one semester short of all of middle school.  It's the same amount of time it takes a child to learn how to walk AND talk.  It's a LONG time!  I was telling my doctor last week that I feel fine, I'm just tired!  And not necessarily sleepy tired, but just-want-to-rest tired.  She stated that it's quick to say, "Oh, you should not feel too affected from this drug." because the medical side effects written on paper are not that bad in comparison to other chemos (hair loss, lowered counts, feeling like death, etc.).  But she agreed, it's been a long time and as soon as treatment ends I should start bouncing back to my normal self.  THANK GOODNESS because I miss my pep!

I'm really just ready to not feel tired!!  The kiddos this year are extra needy and energetic making me extra crabby, ha!  Between the kiddos and medical bill collectors I've lost a lot of patience.  I've also lost a lot of motivation.  This physical drain I'm feeling was getting to me mentally.  So I'm trying to make baby steps to keep my pep going.  I have to do lists of fun things to craft and keep me going.  But then finding the motivation to do any of it throws everything off and I find myself in this slump again and not leaving the comfort of bed.  Oops.  I'm jumping back on the pinterest wagon and finding fun recipes as well projects for the kiddos as my motivation to stay out of bed.  I'm looking forward to my rather full weekend ahead of me filled with fun and relaxation.  Then next week I'm getting my ass back into yoga to help this mental slump!

So there has to be good in this lethargic-ness somewhere because I always try to find the good in it eventually.... well the good is NEVER TAKE YOUR HEALTH FOR GRANTED.  It took 4 days in bed last cycle to really feel like myself again which was physically needed but mentally draining.  Well, I have more good - only ONE MORE TREATMENT and this tired nonsense will be a thing in the past. 
Woooo hoooo, come on treatment #16, it's time.  It's time to be DONE!