It looks like enough time has passed and I am finally able to sit at my computer without bursting out in tears! As excited as I am, there are still some pretty big details to cover. But first, my favorite part of it all, sharing the story that involved my 4 favorite words: Your tumors are gone.
Remember when I had treatment 3 weeks ago and felt AWFUL and complained about the dreaded upcoming appointment to Sarah? Well by the end of that night she had decided that she was going along with me and Krissy to my appointment. So here we are 3 weeks later, chit chatting about everything under the sun during the hour before I met with my doc. Siteman Center was pretty empty by 4:00, but we still found ourselves doing a lot of waiting... and with the time passing us by, the anxiety grew. Thankfully I was in great company that helped the hour of waiting pass by.
My doctor's resident came in the room first. She is so happy and cheery, I am going to be SO SAD when she is done with her residency in the summer. She began by asking how I was feeling since my infection, how my cough was doing, blah blah blah I had no idea why she was treating this like any normal appointment?! Why was she not getting to the news yet?? She continued with more side effect questions and reassurance that some of the things I've been seeing from this drug are common and as I continue with the chemo I will begin to see some changes.... and then she pauses. She must have been reading my face because she then stops and says, "Oh, has anyone told you about the results?" Me: "Nooooooooo....." She replies in a less professional tone and with a little more excitement, "The scans showed negative results." I don't know if you know doctor lingo well, and I for the most part am pretty good at it these days, but I had NO idea what she meant by negative results. Is this good?? She seems happy?? Negative... so nothing happened?! So I say, "What do you mean NEGATIVE..." Krissy and Sarah were on the edge of their seats, eyes wide open, as confused as I am. My doctor begins to laugh, "Oh, it's good! Your tumors are gone!" "WHAT DO YOU MEAN GONE?!?!?!" Actually, I take that back. The first thing out of my mouth was "SHUT UP." And the water works began. My eyes are immediately flooded with tears. I look at Krissy and Sarah, eyes equally flooded. "THEY'RE GONE?! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?? WHERE DID THEY GO?? WHAT HAPPENS NOW?? OH MY GOODNESS I NEED TO STOP CRYING!!" I was waving my hands over my eyes to dry up the tears. My doctor was now teary-eyed. I was squealing and shouting out questions a mile a minute. I think I was bouncing up and down on the table, too. She became tongue-tied and just decided to show me the pictures of my scans. We looked at the before and the after scans with my new chemo. Sure enough, my tumors are gone.
The doctors expected that if this drug was going to work, it would show significant shrinkage in the first round of scans. They were unsure of how my body would react after the first initial treatment, possibly similar to what happened with my chemo pill. But full remission is NOT what they had expected. It was a very happy day in that tiny room.
So after we viewed my tumor-free scans, she filled us in on the fine print. Yes, my tumors are gone. But unfortunately my body is not strong enough to keep the tumors away. If I go off of the chemo, they will grow back. So yup - that means I'm going to stay on chemo. This drug is only 2 years new, so there is not much research, just a lot of questions. I (and all other patients on the drug) are only allowed to stay on it for one year. So since I started in January I will stay with the chemo until December. I will still see my doctor and receive treatment every 3 weeks. Unfortunately, nothing is really changing. I would have no idea that there were tumors in my chest if it wasn't for the scans. The tumors don't bother me. It's the chemo. BUT, with that said, I have a WHOLE ENTIRE YEAR to not worry about growing tumors and to live this year happily, stress free. My year will still include physical pain, but the mental pain has decreased significantly - THANK GOODNESS! After 16 rounds of treatment (I'm already down 4) we will "wait and see" (according to my doc) if the chemo has lasting effects and the tumors stay away. Only time will tell.
I'm going to do scans again in 2 months. If everything still looks clear then they will lower my chemo dosage! This is wonderful news because a couple of the side effects are starting to really affect me. First, my white counts are at an all time low. My body has always had a hard time with my counts dropping. They are to the point that if I get a fever then I will for sure be admitted to the hospital. So staying healthy is my #1 priority right now! Which is why I sadly missed out on today's Mardi Pardi festivities :(. My resident was saying we could possibly lower the dosage now, but my oncologist decided against it, we don't want to "push our luck." Humph. Oh well. The neuropathy is increasing, and honestly hurting me as I type right now, so hopefully my next scans look good and the dosage can lower and the side effects will be less intense. Hopefully.
After the crying and question asking fest, my resident left to touch base with my oncologist and they were both to return. Krissy, Sarah, and I just looked at each other in pure shock. And of course there was more squealing. And more dancing. I started singing the shrinking tumor song Kuhn and JRob made up last summer when my oncologist peeked her head in and started laughing. She was very happy for me and entered the room with arms wide open for a hug. I thanked her and we talked about my excitement and immediate plans to go celebrate.
After the appointment I literally skipped to treatment. Cloud 9. Seriously, I was beaming cheek to cheek. Krissy and Sarah were on a high as well. We felt invincible. We walked into that appointment blind to what would occur. Like always, we were prepared for the worst, but hoped for the best. Treatment itself was annoying as usual. I had a really sweet chemo nurse this time, thank goodness! Unfortunately, she struggled with my veins and it took 3 attempts to finally get a good iv. Yup, hurt like a bitch. I hate chemo.
Unfortunately the chemo hit me pretty hard this time and zero celebrating actually occurred that night. Well, that's not entirely true. Amy came over and she, Kuhn, Krissy, and I enjoyed cookies and cake. A phrase we love around the condo is, "Let there be cake." Whether it's a snow day or Mel's-tumors-are-gone day, we have cake. But I was very fortunate that my chemo hangover lifted by the end of Friday. Thursday was ROUGH, but it's just one day. I have 20 more days till I have to do it again :)
So the good news (besides my tumors are gone), my blog and I aren't going anywhere. Because with chemo will come more side effects, more infections, more pain, more stories. The not good news, my blog and I aren't going anywhere. Haha, I would love to say I'm done and peace out to the world of blogging, but it looks like my battle is still far from over. 12 more treatments to be exact. 10 more months of chemo. 10 more worry-free months. It is a HUGE sigh of relief to have some freedom back in my life. These next 10 months are going to be amazing, I can't wait!
Love that you were singing the "Shrinking tumor" song!!
ReplyDelete